I’ve imagined falling many times—I had dreams of falling down the stairs in utter terror, yet, when it’s done I want to do it again, except I wake up. I thought what it’ll feel like jumping from a building with no intention of ending my life, just curious of what free falling actually means. I wanted to sky dive, with the actual suits and the jumping out of planes type, unlike that stimulation thingy I saw in San Francisco when I was on vacation.
Just think about it: your feet escaping solid ground, the only thing you can be sure of, and you abandon all of that for the chance of something new, for that fleeting moment of falling. Then you’re feet are back to where they’re supposed to be.
The fact of the matter is, I like you. I like you very very much. I “met” you when I was still standing, when I was okay with everything and didn’t welcome any change whatsoever. But then you started to tease me, plead me even, to tiptoe away, to step a little closer to the edge, and finally, you asked me to jump.
I remember being so scared. I remember tears were involved. But what I remember most were your hands, steady and careful, assuring me that I wasn’t doing this alone. I had you. And it hurt too much when people saw me trying to take that leap, either for the fear of me not making it, or because I might make it, but I can never recover. And I thought about that too. I thought about you and the way you can just calm my nerves. I thought about how I can fall asleep and when I wake up you’d still be there, that, no, that wasn’t a dream.
I thought what it’ll be like if I jumped and there would be no solid ground for me to land on. How it’ll feel to fall for a thousand seconds, maybe more. I thought about how I’d handle that feeling. If I’ll embrace it or if I’ll reject it, like I have for the longest time.
Seeing your face light up, hearing your laugh, it makes my heart do a tiny dance. I remember one night I was so torn up and I saw that you were hurting, as if my feelings were yours as well, and that everything I felt you felt ten times more.
And I know this is crazy, I know this is new, but I never thought I’d want to keep something for myself like this. I need it: the everyday annoyances, the happy dances, the endless rambling of our days and how it went, the selfless things we do out of sheer love…
There is still so much we can do, so many places to go, so many stories to share, so many places to jump from.
What I’m asking is if you’ll come with me.
I can’t promise you’ll like it, I can’t say you’ll hate it either, but damn it this’ll be something amazing.